How To Live Stress-Free By Saying “NO”
Smiling is contagious. The word “no” is too.
We live in a world where there are more opportunities than ever to say “yes”, but also more distractions and stressors to say “no”. Your physical health, mental health, and time management skills depend on it. Research shows that people who refuse new opportunities have higher levels of success because they prioritize what they already know will make them happy and satisfied; their decisions are grounded in logic that acknowledges the difference between short-term pleasure and long-term payoff.
Short-term pleasure often comes with a long-term price. Get ready to say “no” more often and love every minute of it. The biggest enemy in your life is your “yes” list! Saying no gives you the power to go after what really matters. Here are some examples of what happens when you say “yes” too often to people, activities, and opportunities:
Saying yes to more work creates stress and anxiety. You have increased responsibilities that don’t make you happy or fulfilled, and then ask, “Why am I always struggling?” Instead of doing what you love for a living, you do what you have to for money. You become stressed and need to take time off to get your life back in order.
Saying yes to overspending creates debt, stress and regret. You have increased credit card debt, now your car needs a tune up or repair, your house needs new windows or siding, or maybe you just need to buy a new couch. Ouch! The fun is over because you’re spending more than what you have. However; the fun is about to begin because now you’re stressed about money and not getting it together!
Saying yes to unhealthy relationships creates stress and regret. You’ve dated a person who isn’t right for you and you know it. But somehow, you can’t get out because they absolutely won’t let you go. It takes all the fun out of your dating life, because now your completely stressed out about what will happen next!
Say yes to yourself and say no to bad choices by realizing that often the very things we think that bring us happiness actually make us more miserable. I’m not saying turn down every social invitation or chance to be with friends, but when it comes down to it, what makes us happy is often not worth pursuing or sacrificing our health for.
There is a difference between spontaneity and habits. By understanding the difference between these two, you can make decisions that will lead to a happier life.
Spontaneity: Spontaneity is being able to leave work at 5pm on Friday and catch up with friends for dinner or drinks. Jumping in the car at 8:00am Saturday morning to head out to the beach, the mountains or on a wilderness hike with your most trusted companion; your dog. Leaving right now to take your girlfriend (or boyfriend) out for an impromptu dinner because you realized what day it was and wanted to celebrate. There’s no plan. It’s exciting, fun and fresh. No one has the upper hand on you because you control your schedule. Learn to be spontaneous!
Habits: Habits are more like a scheduled agenda listing all the things you have to do at work, home and play that are planned out in advance. You know that when you get home, even before unpacking your car, there will be dishes in the sink and laundry in the washer. There’s a stack of unopened mail on the kitchen counter; bills, junk mail or something that needs to be filed away or taken care of immediately. There’s a certain routine for your week and it involves expectations that you don’t think about on a daily basis. Habits are comforting, and you know what to expect.
Say no to the stress of having too many activities. You know what happens when you try to do everything…you get stressed and overwhelmed while doing it all! By being selective in your commitments, you eliminate stress because now you have time to concentrate on the things that matter most in life. Here’s how:
You need to learn to say no. You need to learn to decide what’s important and what’s not. If you can be selective in your commitments, but still do everything that matters; every day will be a fun filled adventure.
Start off small by saying no to the things you don’t want to miss. For example:
Sorry, I can’t go out tonight because I have too much work to do.
Sorry, I can’t go out on the weekend because my kids are competing in a competition today.
Maybe you need to think about your priorities and ask yourself the question…
What’s more important? Your happiness or doing what everyone else wants you to do? You can’t get everything done in a day, prioritize your life and make a list of what’s most important for you to accomplish each day. Then, rework your schedule to fit your new priorities and say no to everything else.
Are there events you attend out of habit, but don’t even enjoy anymore?
When was the last time you said no because you wanted to say yes to being with your family?
If you have trouble saying no, here are some tips:
Be honest – Be truthful. Be sure not to promise something you can’t deliver. Most people don’t mean any harm when they ask for help. If you know the answer is going to be “no” or that the only answer is “yes”, then tell them that up front.
Give a reason – If you are willing to help out, then give them a reason as to why you can’t do it. Maybe you already have something planned or maybe you need to put your energy into something more important.
Thank them – If they are your friends or family, then let them know that you appreciate it when they ask for help and next time you can probably say yes. Letting others know that their needs are important is just as important as saying no.
Spontaneity can be fun and exciting! Remember to say no to the things that aren’t important so you have time for the people who really matter to you.
Conclusion:
Have you ever made a decision and then realized it was the wrong one? How did you feel about yourself for making that choice? Did you regret making that choice? The minute you make a bad decision, avoiding it won’t work anymore. You can’t keep saying “no” to anything. You have to say no to the bad things and yes to the good things so that you can live in balance with everything else.
Chapter 2:
Be Happy by Saying NO
It is hard to be happy when we are doing a lot of things we don't like doing. We get caught up in living life by default instead of by design.