It's A B*tch Being Conscious
Lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed by my emotions. I swear to God, I feel like the feelings are coming at me from all different directions. One second I'm happy and then something might happen and suddenly it's not so good anymore. One minute I'm really angry and then five minutes later, it's like nothing happened and my mood is back to normal again. It feels like if anything goes wrong in my day (or in someone else's day), that can be the one thing that triggers me. And then next thing you know, everything seems worse than ever before because of how far I'll go down emotionally...
-The Secret
That's what I've been thinking about lately. How it seems like all of my emotions are completely out of control. At this very moment, I feel a lot of anger. And I don't even know where that came from...
-But On the Other Hand...
Sometimes, this kind of thing (of having emotions that go up and down) can be useful. Like, it can be a kind of "wake-up call" for us to do something about our lives. For example, I really should be doing better with school. I know I can always do better. It's just that sometimes my mood gets in the way and before you know it, I've been watching TV all day. But when my mood lifts again, and everything seems normal again, suddenly I'll feel guilty for not doing anything. And then it's like this cycle where on one hand, my emotions are going up and down (like the line graph below).
-The Secret???
I really don't know why this happens either because sometimes I feel like no one else has a problem like this. I'm not sure if it's because I'm more sensitive, or more emotional (or I have some other weird problem). But I swear to God, at times like this it seems like no one else has any problems...
-Focus on the Good Times
But then, whenever I think about these kinds of things, sometimes I just have to shrug it off. Because that's one of the lessons in life: there will always be things in our lives that won't work out. And there are always going to be things we want to change about ourselves. But instead of letting those other things bother us, what comes next is how we manage those feelings.
-A New Leaf
I've always admired those people who are able to sit back and take a break. I like how they're able to look at things from a different perspective. When they have problems, they learn how to solve them... and when they're sad, they learn how to cheer themselves up again. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's no way to know what's right or wrong--there's no guidebook or 'secret' nobody can tell you about this kind of thing. We all have our own ways of dealing with our emotions, and in the end it doesn't really matter what you do with your life. Just be yourself, because there's nothing more perfect than that.
-New Year's Resolution...
So I feel like I should make some kind of resolution this year. Not one about school, but one about my emotions. Because I feel like every time something goes wrong, I kind of give up on my emotions. And then when nothing else goes wrong, everything just seems better than it was before. That's why I think this year I'm going to try real hard to do something with myself instead of letting my negativity hold me back.
-That's the Secret???
I finally figured out what the secret to life is all about--it's not as simple as telling yourself that you want to change your life around in a certain way. It's actually a lot harder than that. Even though I know this is the secret to life, it's a little bit of a challenge for me personally to do something about my emotions. But I think the more I come to terms with my emotions, the more I'll learn how to handle them and deal with everything better. Hopefully, next year will be a lot better for me...
-I'm So Confused
But, in terms of figuring out what the secret really is all about, it seems like there's just no way to get into it without understanding people first (or how people think). It's like the more you try to figure it out on your own, only to end up with more questions that you don't really have answers for. It's just that sometimes it's hard to figure out how people think... but then on the other hand, when they tell you what they think, everything makes sense.
-The Secret???
Whenever I try to figure out this kind of stuff myself, I always end up with even more questions... and sometimes I really don't understand why people do the things they do. But then when you ask them detailed questions (for example why didn't he stay with her?), they explain everything like they're talking about something obvious (which is what makes it even harder!). So, I'm still not really sure what the secret is--just that it has something do to with emotions. And also it's a lot more complex than I thought...
-The End
I don't know if anybody else can relate to this kind of thing, but that's the way it goes. Every day there are so many little things we have to deal with. And when things get rough and we feel like we're not getting anywhere, these feelings just come at us from all different directions. When things don't go well at school or with friends or whatever, sometimes you have to just sit back and take a deep breath before acting on your emotions. Because we all have feelings... but sometimes it seems like you have to deal with them your own way.
-Imagination
I always tell myself that I should try so hard to get into these kinds of things. They're the kind of thing you can immerse yourself in, and for a little while, at least, forget about everything else. I mean, if I didn't have any imagination (or something else to do with my life besides school), then it would be so boring... but that's not me. And also I think that this kind of thing is what makes me different from everybody else--that little thing inside me that wants to do something different with my time.
-The Secret???
Every once in a while, I really want to get into something that I can't really explain. I don't mean a dream or something like that... it's more of a feeling. Like when you just feel inspired, and everything else is just kind of a blur. It's like the kind of feeling where you don't care whether or not you fail, because at least you tried your best. Sometimes these feelings seem so foreign to me, but other times it seems like I'm surrounded with them... and then my imagination takes over and before you know it, I'm doing something with my life.
-The End...
Conclusion
-Things That Make You Wanna Go...
I always tell myself that I can't just give up on my life. Maybe I won't make it to the Olympics, but that's not the end of everything for me. There are lots of other things that I can do with my life--even if it doesn't seem like it now. But because of those thoughts, a lot of times I find myself doubting myself and thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in my life (and then start feeling sorry for myself as well). But this is something else that I've learned: you'll never be able to figure out what your future will bring.