Is This Your Pity Party?
I'm sorry for your loss, but I think that is the wrong way to go about it. Plus, it's not even possible for this to be your pity party because you should not have to give in or cave into anything. You are above all this, and you don't need their sorrowful words or doting looks. People always say that you need time when someone dies; well, the time has passed. I know what it's like trying to make sense of death; I've gone through similar situations and learned my lesson after going through tough times alone too many times in the past. When my grandmother passed away, I was there. I had gone through every which way you could think of, but I still couldn't make sense of it all. Why couldn't she be here to see me graduate? Why did she have to go? Why didn't my mom and dad ever consult me about the visitation and funeral arrangements? My mind keeps going over how I could have helped her.
"When my grandmother passed away, I was there." No one can "help" someone pass from misery to eternal rest. It's not like a flicked light switch where you just turn off the lights and go on with your life. It is a process where your loved one takes their last breath and the world goes on. It's not always going to be the same, but it will eventually be over. I'm not saying that you should wait until they die or get into a situation where they are dying… I just know that your parents were too busy with their own lives and didn't want to burden you with what they didn't think was fair for them to deal with. If nothing else, take a step back and just realize what truly happened and how situations turned out in the end. Look at things from a different perspective because sometimes you don't have to have all the answers.
I'd like to tell you that everything is going to be ok now, but that would be lying. No one can say for sure how things will go because it's a big change and there's a lot of uncertainty right now (which, doesn't help since we're in the middle of an economic recession). I'd say just try to enjoy your time with them while they are living and don't dwell on regrets or mistakes, because in the end it doesn't really matter. This is a time to be with loved ones as much as you can, but not because that's what they wanted or expected. When they pass away, it's time to get serious and take things from their point of view and learn from the experience. Don't beat yourself up for things that were completely out of your control.
"When my grandmother passed away, I was there." No one can "help" someone pass from misery to eternal rest. It's not like a flicked light switch where you just turn off the lights and go on with your life. It is a process where your loved one takes their last breath and the world goes on. It's not always going to be the same, but it will eventually be over. I'm not saying that you should wait until they die or get into a situation where they are dying… I just know that your parents were too busy with their own lives and didn't want to burden you with what they didn't think was fair for them to deal with. If nothing else, take a step back and just realize what truly happened and how situations turned out in the end. Look at things from a different perspective because sometimes you don't have to have all the answers.
I'd like to tell you that everything is going to be ok now, but that would be lying. No one can say for sure how things will go because it's a big change and there's a lot of uncertainty right now (which, doesn't help since we're in the middle of an economic recession). I'd say just try to enjoy your time with them while they are living and don't dwell on regrets or mistakes, because in the end it doesn't really matter. This is a time to be with loved ones as much as you can, but not because that's what they wanted or expected. When they pass away, it's time to get serious and take things from their point of view and learn from the experience. Don't beat yourself up for things that were completely out of your control.
People always say that you need time when someone dies; well, the time has passed. I know what it's like trying to make sense of death; I've gone through similar situations and learned my lesson after going through tough times alone too many times in the past. When my grandmother passed away, I was there. I had gone through every which way you could think of, but I still couldn't make sense of it all. Why couldn't she be here to see me graduate? Why did she have to go? Why didn't my mom and dad ever consult me about the visitation and funeral arrangements? My mind keeps going over how I could have helped her.
"When my grandmother passed away, I was there. I had gone through every which way you could think of, but I still couldn't make sense of it all. Why couldn't she be here to see me graduate? Why did she have to go? Why didn't my mom and dad ever consult me about the visitation and funeral arrangements? My mind keeps going over how I could have helped her."
Well, that's not a very nice thing to say. You can all the things you wanted or wished you could've helped your grandmother with while she was alive if they were taken care of before her death, but it doesn't matter now because it's too late. The truth is that we can never do enough for others who are sick or have serious problems especially when they are elderly. The truth is that you can never do enough for anyone to make them better because we all have our own set of problems. I know that your grandmother was a nice person and even though she passed away, she had a good life. I don't think that you should feel guilty about everything you wish you could've done while she was alive, because it's not up to anyone else to make her feel better; it is up to us as people to take care of our own problems and help them when we can.
"I was there." No one can "help" someone pass from misery to eternal rest. It's not like a flicked light switch where you just turn off the lights and go on with your life. It is a process where your loved one takes their last breath and the world goes on. It's not always going to be the same, but it will eventually be over. I'm not saying that you should wait until they die or get into a situation where they are dying… I just know that your parents were too busy with their own lives and didn't want to burden you with what they didn't think was fair for them to deal with. If nothing else, take a step back and just realize what truly happened and how situations turned out in the end. Look at things from a different perspective because sometimes you don't have to have all the answers.
Conclusion:
"I was there." No one can "help" someone pass from misery to eternal rest. It's not like a flicked light switch where you just turn off the lights and go on with your life. It is a process where your loved one takes their last breath and the world goes on. It's not always going to be the same, but it will eventually be over. I'm not saying that you should wait until they die or get into a situation where they are dying… I just know that your parents were too busy with their own lives and didn't want to burden you with what they didn't think was fair for them to deal with.
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Is This Your Pity Party?