Spare a gram of Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence can be one of the most difficult personal qualities to develop. But it's really worth it!
It is advisable to start with a simple and realistic goal for self-improvement, like "give your full attention when someone is speaking." Given time, individuals who are committed to working at building their self-confidence will take on bigger challenges and successes. These are the people we want in our lives, so let's show some support and give them a surge of confidence today!
A Personal Goal
I want to write an introduction for an informative blog post about hiking. The idea is to write about a story that ended in failure–perhaps the most significant failure of my life. It may be a bit embarrassing, but it has meaning for me.
I have no experience as a writer, nor am I very confident about my communication skills, so this goal feels like an impossible challenge. I'm going to need help from friends and family. I am going to need help from people who are better than me–people who are more competent and confident than I am.
I really respect the confidence of experienced writers like Amanda Palmer, but I'm too much of a loser to start blogging or performing on stage. I may not even have the courage to write a blog post about failure, and I'm really not sure why I want to write it.
It's time for another one of my rambling One Word Problems, where an interesting issue arises form just one word. This one is "Confidence."
My One Word Problem this time around is: "How can I develop self confidence?"
The first thing that happens when I start to think about this problem is that I realize how much trouble most people have with self-confidence. In fact, it's really hard to talk about self-confidence without making false assumptions. For example, we often say things like: "People who are confident are more successful." This could easily be a load of crap.
We often say things like: "People who are confident are more successful." This could easily be a load of crap.
We make these assumptions because people who are confident remind us of ourselves. We want them to succeed, and we hope that they will share the same confidence in us as well. This kind of preference is very natural, and it's not an altogether bad thing. It's just that it can fool us into thinking that being confident is a simple, easy thing–it's actually much more difficult than we realize!
A Quick Story
I'd like to tell you a story about an experience I had recently with my brother. My brother is a very confident person, and he always has been. I think this is one of the reasons I admire him so much.
If you'd like to follow along, here are two links to the story:
The Story Without Sound
This was a nice moment with my brother. We were at a family Christmas party and we started talking about hiking. I told my brother that I was trying to find my way into hiking again, and I showed him pictures of some of the trails we walked together when we were kids. He told me about the hiking he'd been doing in the Mission Mountains of Montana. I showed him pictures from our trip to Glacier National Park in Montana. We talked about how much we loved nature, and what it would be like to hike together again one day.
Later that evening, my brother came back to my house for dinner. He and I were talking about stuff on facebook, and he mentioned that his sister had found out that I was living in the Bay Area and she wanted to see me again soon. (His sister lives in Iowa.) He made some suggestions for when we could get together and hang out–we could go hiking or just get coffee or something. We couldn't come up with a definite plan, but we really wanted to meet up.
The next day we went hiking together. We walked to High Bridge in San Francisco (photo of High Bridge at right). My brother told me that he had been hoping to hike there for a long time, and that he had had an idea for another trip to somewhere. He wanted to go on an overnight trip into the Sierra Nevada with my sister and her husband. I got all excited because I knew that I would be able to get back into hiking eventually–I'd just have to change my lifestyle a bit. (I'll explain what I mean by "change my lifestyle" later.)
After the hike, we went out for dinner together again. This time we went to a nearby Mexican restaurant. We talked about our new friends, my brother and I, and my sister and her husband. My brother said that he was so happy that he'd been able to see me again–it's always great to be reunited with the people you know the best.
It seems really obvious that this is a victory for my brother, but it's really not. He wasn't even trying for a victory at all–he just wanted to connect with his sister in California, and then see me again some time later. He got what he wanted–a reunion with his sister and relative reconnection with me–and he did it all without trying very hard at all.
It's really sad that he has to try very hard at all. He is a very confident person, but he still feels like he needs some kind of victory to feel good about himself. I think this feeling is common among people with high self-confidence, but I don't think they have to feel like this most of the time.
My brother is a very confident person, but he still feels like he needs some kind of victory to feel good about himself. I think this feeling is common among people with high self-confidence, but I don't think they have to feel like this most of the time.
Conclusion: People with low confidence need to try hard too
In conclusion, I think we all share a set amount of self-confidence. It's completely natural to not feel confident if you're not, and it's also completely natural to want some kind of victory. There are plenty of people who don't feel confident most of the time, and there are others with really high self-confidence that don't necessarily have to try very hard at all.
I wish that people could just appreciate themselves for being themselves without trying so hard, but sadly we live in a society where everything depends on small accomplishments and achievements, as well as recognition from others.