How to Really Annoy your Web Site Visitors
Don't want your visitors to come back to your website? Here are some excellent ways to make sure they never show up again:
1. Make them sign up for a newsletter before every page they visit.
2. Install the "Netscape Navigator" web browser on their computer
3. Change all of the fonts on your website to Comic Sans MS
4. Add pop-up ads for genital herpes treatment kits
5. Remove all of the pages from your website that you're in the process of creating
6. Leave out a vital page from your home page
7. Remove links and information on every page in your website
8. Add a pop-up ad for the new "New Age DVD" that was just released
9. Forbid them from using any search engine but yours
10. Make sure to disable all plugins or software on their computer, such as Flash
11. Give them an absolutely terrible web design and keep making minor changes until they give up 12. Post an "order now" message on every page of your website
13. Reply to every single email they've ever sent you, providing even more useless information than before, but always asking for a donation
14. Add pop-up ads for seedy Internet pharmacies
15. Disable all of the links so that they can't easily search your website again
16. Remove hyperlinks in your website until the only way to reach their pages is by typing in their address on Google or Yahoo! search engines
17. Make them long-distance phone-call from their home computer because your website is so slow and annoying 18. Remove the "Exit" button from every page on your site 19. Make them promise that they will never, ever come back
20. Put a copyright notice on every single page, then continue adding pointless articles to your website
21. Make sure you change your website's layout completely every month or so to make it more annoying
22. Add big, blinking animated "under construction" signs so that the only way you can be really sure the site is under construction is by launching Defense Department satellites over Antarctica 23. Don't write ANY content for your website and instead just keep posting links to spam websites 24. Allow pop-up ads so often that people click on it just to get rid of it 25. Remove the "Home" button from your home page 26. After registering, give them a fake name so that they can't even track your progress with Google. 27. Don't ever reply to their emails 28. Make sure there are no images on your site 29. Add pop-up ads for scammy weight loss and money-making schemes 30. Make sure there are no links anywhere within your website because the only way to return to the page you were on was by typing in the URL of the previous page 31. Remove all of your images from every page 32. Add a pop-up ad for an abacus 33. Paste links into your email as "links" and then tell them over and over how great they are 34. Apply for a trademark on your domain name
35. After making a donation to your site, make them click the "send me more" button repeatedly, then make them wait 30 minutes for a response 36. Install "Netscape Navigator" without telling visitors that it's illegal to do so 37. Remove every link from your website except one to the home page 38. Write an article that says why it's wrong to use pop-up ads 39. Change all of the font sizes and typefaces on every single page so that no one can read anything 40. Add pop-up and other annoying ads all over your site until people just give up 41. Make sure your website is impossible to find, even after using the search bar 42. In one of your pages, post an email address that leads to a fake spam account for which you send out junk mail to whoever tries to contact you 43. Post an email adress that leads nowhere 44. Add links that don't work 45. Add pop-up ads for "penis enlargement" drugs 46. Snag a well-trafficked homepage and then leave it abandoned for months at a time 47. Don't add any information to your site besides the "under construction" message and make it impossible to leave 48. Change all of the images on your page into animated GIFs 49. Keep on posting the exact same message and don't allow users to reply to or delete it 50. Make sure they can't find you in the search engines 51. Force them to download a 2MB FLV file in order to watch an 8 second video of someone dancing 52. Replace every picture with a picture of the exact opposite 53. Allow pop-up ads to open new windows for other irrelevant web addresses 54. Make sure pop-up ads appear on every single page of your website 55. Add links that don't exist anywhere 56. Create form fields that are impossible for people to fill out 57. Remove all information from your website 58. Send them an email asking for money 59. Whenever they click on a link, make them wait for 10 seconds and then tell them it didn't work 60. Don't tell people what your website is about until after they've clicked on the "I'm over 18!" button 61. Add a pop-up ad for a "New Age" video titled "Sex, Love and Spirituality: The Ultimate Guide to Life!" 62. Add pop-up ads for "little blue pills" 63. Make sure you post all of your email addresses as links to other websites 64. Have every page say something different 65 . Use MS Paint to create your web layout 66. Make sure there are more than 50 links on a single page 67. Repeat the same message over and over again, then tell people they're not allowed to reply 68. Add a "New Age" video that has hundreds of pop-up ads in it 69. Make an "under construction" page and then never post anything else 70. Replace all of your images with really sad looking ones 71. Change all of the links on your site to send users to other web pages 72. Call your webmaster an hour before you're supposed to post a new article so that he or she will have time to create a new article 73. Put the exact same message on every single page under different titles 74. After uploading a short video clip, make sure that there are at least 50 links pointing nowhere 75 . Create a long, confusing tutorial that only works on your specific computer and then tell them it doesn't always work 76. Don't inform people about the time frame for when you'll be updating your website 77. If someone emails you, don't ever reply to them unless they get upset 78. Post an article called "What Your Name Says About You" then add several nonsensical paragraphs to it 79 . Write an absolutely gigantic 500 word post and don't even have anything to say 80 . Make your website impossible to find in search engines 81. Add 3 pop-up ads for viagra and then tell people they are being redirected by a virus 82 . Make sure they can only read 5 words at a time because of your font size 83 .