Jealousy - How To Overcome Jealousy
Jealousy is a complicated feeling, often triggered by a perceived threat to the self. This feeling is not unique to humans - it appears in many species and has been observed among animals. It seems that jealousy, at its fundamental level, is an emotion that motivates people to compete for resources.
We all experience this emotion from time to time but what makes human jealousy unique is how we interpret and learn from it; we try to make sense of these feelings, assign them meaning and use that meaning in practical ways. Jealousy causes us to evaluate our own value against others which can lead us down negative paths if left unchecked. The empathy and creativity that result from jealousy can be used to our advantage or against us, we have the power to choose.
So what do I mean by choosing between the "negative" and "positive"? Well, let me explain. First, you need to consider your history with jealousy—how have you healed from it? Have you grown to handle jealousy better? Second, think about your own personal values and how they influence your view of others in relation to those values—do you value loyalty highly? Maybe you value compassion highly? Third, explore your personal strengths and weaknesses so that they can become more useful in understanding what motivates others with whom you interact.
In general, jealousy has a way of making us feel bad about ourselves and so we need to "re-frame" our thinking and focus on all the good things about ourselves. This is where I think the "positive" comes into play. It takes an incredible amount of empathy, courage and love to put jealousy in perspective—to see past it, move beyond it, even help others move beyond it. The meaning you choose to give your experiences will lead you down different paths; choosing compassion over anger or insecurity will benefit you in all areas of your life. When we share understanding with others, we are giving them something that no one else can—a glimpse into their hearts and minds.
I hope this helps :)
-Lia
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The title of this article is a little confusing, right? What exactly am I jealous of? Am I jealous because someone else has more money, or more friends, or a better job? Or am I jealous because they have something that I want, yet do not have? In my opinion, jealousy can be either positive or negative. It can grow from a feeling of admiration into a self-sabotaging thought process that weakens us. In the long term, positive feelings of jealousy will improve our lives and help us to achieve our goals. So what is the difference between positive and negative feelings of jealousy?
Positive Jealousy
The positive aspect of jealousy is much more common, it flows from seeing someone else achieve goals and have relationships that we feel we should have. Instead of feeling inferior or critical, we observe the person's accomplishments and see how valuable they are to others. We start to believe that our lives could be just as worthy, if not better. Fearful, insecure people are likely to interpret this observation as a threat to their own happiness and go about finding ways to control or block others' happiness. They feel desperate when others make progress without them because they fail to appreciate how valuable their contribution is.
This can lead some people to become very controlling, and to try and instill fear of consequences into others. They often make threats to their partner's career, or interfere with their partner's contact with friends, family and colleagues in an attempt to diminish the other person's value. This is a direct result of jealousy because it believes that the loved one is not equally valued as them.
On the other hand, the left side of the jealousy spectrum involves positive feelings which do not have a negative intent. Jealousy can motivate us to work towards our own goals, rather than continue in mediocrity when we feel unable to reach them. If you feel jealous of someone else's achievements, then this is a constructive step towards achieving your own goals.
Negative Jealousy
The negative tendency of jealousy is much more common, and often stems from feeling inferior, or insecure. We can feel threatened by another living in a higher realm than us because we feel we deserve more than they do. Our low self-esteem makes us believe that they have more than we do, and it instills anxiety in us. If something else is offered to them because they are considered to have something that we lack, then it can only be interpreted as a threat to our happiness. This can lead to possessive and controlling behaviors that are not only inappropriate, but also unhealthy for our relationships.
This type of jealous reaction stems from a belief that we are less valuable than others. Therefore, if someone else is more loved or successful than us, then it makes us feel like we have no value. If we can understand that everyone has a different set of skills and goals in life, then our self-worth will be much higher because we will accept ourselves for who we are. This will lead to the development of more positive feelings about jealousy—it motivates us to learn more about ourselves so that those feelings of inadequacy do not trouble us again in the future.
Choosing positive feelings about jealousy over negative ones can be a beneficial way to cultivate empathy and creativity in our lives, and will help us to relate with others more effectively. The positive ones that we feel about ourselves during jealousy can act as a catalyst for development in our relationships with other people, especially the male or female figures who we are jealous of.
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The above article was written by a trained professional counselor using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) methods to provide solutions to each of the points discussed, in my opinion it has useful recommendations which can be taken under consideration by anyone struggling with jealousy. If you have any questions or queries you can email me at lia@centregerard.com and I will do my best to answer them.
Here are some useful links on jealousy support:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQzUoM6FcCg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Z4xCUx0VgI&feature=youtu.be&t=8s
https://us1.campaign-archive2. com/?u=1b27c26a736a646b1434fd8fd8&id=a942257d64
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z2U5h6U5yM
http://jealousy-health.com/jealousy/jealousy-guide-for-girls.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2336150/Why-can't-women-stop-being-jealouses--Abuse--unhealthy--thing--doesnt___need_to__be_about_others_happiness__get_over_
Conclusion:
Having a healthy relationship with jealousy is something that can be achieved if we work on it. By learning to accept ourselves for who we are and not holding ourselves back from experiencing it, we can start to develop the loving, supportive relationships that will lead us to all of the wonderful things we want in life.
When we feel jealous it is a sign that something is missing in our lives and we need to look deep inside ourselves for the answers. We can do this by using CBT methods, asking someone close to us or by contacting The Centre Gerard. To find out more contact me / Lia at: lia@centregerard..