Create Resistance or Creative Acceptance
At some point in one's life, it's crucial to come to the realization that there are certain truths that cannot be changed --- like the sun rising and setting, for instance. If there is a situation we want to change, whether it be other people or ourselves, we must first accept what is happening before we can start fighting against it. The only way to create resistance instead of creative acceptance when facing challenges or unpleasant situations is through intense stubbornness or refusal -- which may seem like the most logical solution at first glance but will never produce better results than accepting and integrating with whatever confronts you. The best way to combat the feeling of resistance is by creating positive acceptance instead of negative resistance toward what is.
Dismissing, Avoiding, or Trying to Change:
When faced with a situation that we do not like, we often go about trying to change it in order for our lives to feel more comfortable again. In the process, though, we only create more resistance and even more discomfort. For example, if you were having difficulties at work and you decide to start changing things around so they will no longer be difficult for you. What will happen, however, is that you start changing things that are not necessarily difficult for you but difficult for others around you, who have no choice but to change as well.
In this example, we see a challenge or situation that needs some work and then we fixate on changing it in order to make it easier for us. The only person who benefits from this is the person who wants to change the situation because he will feel comfortable again. The rest of the people involved in the situation will not benefit from this "change" because they will be forced to follow along with the person's new rules and ways of doing things so that everything can still flow smoothly. This is not a happy situation because those people will surely feel like they are losing control over their lives and may even come to resent the person trying to change the "problem." For example, if you were working in a place where it was a bit difficult for you to get along but also for other employees, then it would make sense to try and change your environment. However, if you were told at the beginning of your employment that everyone was going to be difficult for you, then that would be unfair and counterproductive.
If you want to build better relationships with others in your environment who have no choice but to change as well, then the only way is through accepting whether things are challenging or not. If you want to change the environment, then you will have to accept the situation as is and make very few tweaks. For example, if your boss was a mean person who treated you unfairly, then it would be perfectly acceptable for you to find another job. However, if this person has done nothing but be mean and unfair toward everyone over the years in an effort to make things easier for him or herself, then you should realize that this person is not going anywhere anytime soon and your only choice would be to accept his or her ways.
The same goes for people we interact with. If someone has been treating you unfairly and not being respectful to you, then your own best interests should be focused on finding new friends and co-workers. However, if the person who is treating you unfairly has been that way to everyone else for years, trying to change his or her ways will only make you the target of resentment from other people affected by this because they are also dealing with a challenging environment but cannot do anything about it.
The only way to deal with this is by accepting that this is how it's going to be and making the necessary adjustments. If your boss is horrible, then try to look for other options at work -- like asking for more responsibilities or training for advancement. In the meantime, you must make your peace with the situation and ask your boss to treat you fairly. If everyone else is dealing with a difficult boss, then they cannot expect you to change this person's ways while they must also accept their own limitations.
Expecting and Demanding:
When we demand or expect something to be a certain way, we are usually only demanding or expecting it because we are attached to it and want it specifically to fit within our own definition of how things should be. Very few people can accept that things can be in different forms and still remain pleasurable, enjoyable, useful, or important. If we can accept things in their current form and still like them, then we have a more genuine relationship with it and are less likely to resist.
A perfect example of this is when we develop specific expectations for how our future life will be. By setting these expectations, we may find ourselves unhappy or resentful because a future situation does not match our desires or expectations. It's common to want a relationship with someone who doesn't want us back, for example; when you experience this, you may start to feel upset and insulted.
Conclusion:
The first two types of resistance deal with the way we perceive and think about the world around us. When we see a negative event or situation, the first thing we usually do is look for a way to change it, when what is needed is to accept that it is what it is . The same goes for people who have been mistreating us and refusing to be respectful of our boundaries -- like our boss or other coworkers. By accepting these as they are, we will learn to live peacefully with them and therefore have less opportunity for resistance and more freedom in our lives.
More on accepting reality: http://zenhabits.